Keepin' the Peace

Stopping to set straight the neighbors next door,
I told 'em unless they were wanting a war,
they'd better move chop-chop to silence that mutt
whose stink and loud barks, were a pain in the butt.

They hemmed and they hawed and then answered me thus:
"We ain't got no dog, what makes all of that fuss.
Our twin aunts from Rotham make flappy-ass boomers
that blimp up and bust out, collapsing their bloomers.

No bow-wow to pow-wow 'bout banged up my war drums,
and hearin' 'em blather on blamin' their rectums!
I asked 'em just how much swamp fumes can be out-gassed
from two sweet old ladies? Just then, came a ripe blast

of kraut and cucumber which thundered the thatch.
I prayed like a parson no one lighted a match!
Equipped with fart mortars that addle the whiffer,
make eyeballs cross sockets, and shrivel the sniffer,

these next door nose bombers can come to no good.
That raunchy smell reeks through the whole neighborhood!
No human still breathing can meet this threat head-on,
Those parsnips fermented could spell Armegeddon.